What name of God is an anchor for you through this period of ever-growing mourning? A recent study session* asked participants to focus on this question, based on text from Psalm 16:8:
Shiviti YHVH l’negedi tamid
“I am every mindful of the divine presence”
or “Divine presence is in front of me always”
Participants shared many names — Shekhinah [indwelling presence], Ruach Ha-olam [spirit/breath of all], Ein Sof [without end], “Matir Asurim — the one who releases the bound,” HaTzur (the Rock)….All that came to mind for me was: “Eikha?! [How?!]” —
and, after some further sitting, Psalm 25:4-5
דְּרָכֶיךָ יְהֹוָה הוֹדִיעֵנִי אֹרְחוֹתֶיךָ לַמְּדֵנִי׃
הַדְרִיכֵנִי בַאֲמִתֶּךָ וְלַמְּדֵנִי כִּי־אַתָּה אֱלֹהֵי יִשְׁעִי אוֹתְךָ קִוִּיתִי כל־הַיּוֹם׃
Let me know Your paths, YHVH;
teach me Your ways;
guide me in Your true way and teach me,
for You are God, my deliverer;
it is You I look to at all times.
Later, I was reminded of another text, one which relates in a round about way to the Joseph story — from the current Torah reading cycle — and to my own confusions these days….
Joseph and “Your Own Pit”
Proverbs 5:15-17 says:
15) Drink water from your own cistern [bor-kha],
Running water from your own well.
16) Your springs will gush forth
In streams in the public squares.
17) They will be yours alone,
Others having no part with you
This image from Proverbs echoes language in the Joseph story: His brothers “took him and cast him into the pit [ha-bor]. The pit was empty; there was no water in it” (Gen 37:22).
Commentary on the Proverbs passage links water to Torah and describes an empty pit as a new learner:
R. Akiva says: It is written: “Drink waters from your pit.” A pit, in the beginning, is unable to supply a drop of water of its own, containing, as it does, only what is put into it. So, a Torah scholar, in the beginning, has learned and reviewed only what their teacher has taught them.
“and flowing waters from your well”: Just as a well flows living waters from all of its sides, so, disciples come and learn from the “flowing” Torah scholar.
And thus is it written: “Your fountains will spread abroad.” Words of Torah are compared to water. Just as water is life for the world, so, words of Torah, as it is written (Proverbs 4:22)
— Sifrei Devarim 48:5
I am sure there is commentary linking this passage to the Joseph story….
…if anyone knows, please advise. Otherwise, I’ll look it up and update….
At the time of this incident, Joseph was young, still what we now call a teenager. And his behavior to his family does seem, at least on the surface, quite immature. So, it is tempting to view him as without Torah yet.
But, many young people have absorbed Torah in all sorts of ways. And different commentary, based on the expression “ben zekunim” (Gen 37:3), says that Jacob had been teaching Joseph “Torah of Exile,” learned from Shem and Eber. (More here.) So, what I’m thinking THIS WEEK — who knows what is to come — is that maybe Joseph did not yet have his own Torah.
And that leads me, as very little in this world does not, to Star Trek.
“I fly the ship”
I am still catching up on Star Trek: Strange New Worlds and recently saw Season Two, Episode 4, “The Lotus Eaters” (originally aired: July 6, 2023). In this episode, the whole Enterprise crew has lost their memories (but not skills), and the ship’s pilot is trying to remind herself of her role.
I’ve shared this to start at 46 seconds in —
WARNING: The only real violence in the last 3 minutes of this clip is to, and from, some space rocks. But the first 45 seconds are very violent and, on their own, add little to the scene with the pilot. So, view with that caution in mind, please.
When Ortegas yells at the ship’s computer — which she does not recognize, due to the odd memory losses, and so addresses as “miss” and “ma’am” — I was right there with her: “Stop the rocks!”
“Yes, ma’am, please, right now: Stop the rocks!” seems very close to what I’m yelling at civic leaders, at Jewish communities, at the universe, at God. All day. Every day.
So, I was immensely moved by her gradual realization that she might be able to do something to improve the situation, for herself and others: “I’m Erica Ortegas, and I fly the ship!”
Earlier in the episode, Ortegas is not pleased to lose a very rare opportunity for an away mission… with its chance to wear a spiffy fur-like hat in the local culture’s style. Her annoyance is presented mostly as a question of boredom. But don’t we all ask ourselves why we don’t get to be on the fun mission instead of stuck with work based on choices we made long ago? or maybe based on how others view us and our skills? I really resonated with her frustration when told she was needed on the ship instead.
…For more on this episode, here is a piece at Tor and one at Escapist Magazine (see also Memory Alpha)….
I hope Ortegas gets her away mission (although some do point out the perils of being a red-shirt in such circumstance). But I also loved watching her figure out that she could, indeed, do something other than yell about the rocks.
“I am… and I…”
On ordinary days, it can be a struggle to figure out what we can contribute to the world at any moment, however small and unworthy or huge and daunting it may seem. On days when space rocks are bombarding the ship and no one seems in charge… those are the days when all I seem able to manage is a cry of Eikha!?
Some days the answer is: well, I can empty the dishwasher or clean the bathroom. Or, I can answer this letter from a friend or send a gift for the neighbor’s new baby. Some days the answer is: I can assist a colleague in an important electoral campaign, or I can join a protest, or I can share news that seems crucial but ignored. And sometimes, the answer might be: I can sit right here until I figure out what it might mean to “plot a course” for myself and others.
And that brings me back to Psalm 25: Let me know. Teach me. Show me. Guide me.
It is painful to sit with the uncertainty while a crisis unfolds. But maybe sometimes getting to one’s own Torah means staying with the question: “I am Virginia Spatz, and I ask ‘How?!'”
* Rabbis4CeaseFire final shloshim study session
Featured image is from Star Trek Strange New World (S2E04). See, e.g., Escapist article or Memory Alpha.
Alt text for featured image: Enterprise pilot Erica Ortegas in uniform at her station, focused on flying the ship.
"A Song Every Day" 